Grace To Be Free
By Susan Vaughan Shumake / Written February 22, 2004
*****
I was the one who was losing my soul
living imprisoned by my husband’s control.
His outbursts of anger had set the stage well.
He was in charge of my living hell.
He needed his world to be perfect each day.
But I never knew how to keep it that way.
The things I would do to keep his world right,
were never enough, and there’d be a fight.
At home he would often fly into a rage.
In public, he would perform, as on stage.
His words were like honey, and covered his lies.
Many I sought rejected my cries.
I remained married to honor my vow,
believing that God would change him somehow.
Our children, I thought, would soothe his deep pain.
Instead, though he loved them, his anger remained.
When they were young, his temper was bad.
The littlest thing would make their dad mad.
I kept them away as much as I could,
trying to show them life could be good.
But when they were older, we could not escape
the demands and constraints their father would make.
He kept them in bondage to all of their fears;
by using his rules, and shaming their tears.
“Don’t cry,” he would say, “without physical pain.”
“Don’t do this!” “Don’t do that!”, again and again.
“Don’t ever tell Mom what I do when she’ gone!”
“If she’s angry at me…” and the threat would go on.
On again, Off again, his love would turn.
He’d say, “I love you”, then his anger would burn.
We never felt safe. There was no relief.
Without basic trust, there could not be peace.
I’ve seen our three children with fear in their eyes.
I’ve watched them respond to his threats, with their cries.
I’ve seen them withdraw, and lose confidence.
I’ve watched them retreat, and sacrifice friends.
I’d lived all these years with my quiet pain,
but now I was watching my girls do the same.
We now shared a bond as we all lived with grief,
praying somehow, we might find relief.
No longer could I be subject to his rules.
I had to be strong and get out for the girls.
They needed to know that we weren’t treated right.
They needed the freedom to have fun in life.
In one final moment, I made the right choice.
To no longer live with my hidden voice.
And as I spoke up, I saw Heaven reach down–
and all who knew me, rallied around.
What happened next, was God’s Saving Grace.
God intervened from His Heavenly place.
Mountains were moved with the help of my friends.
Closed doors were opened, again and again.
Support came from family I thought I had lost.
My marriage commitment came at a great cost.
Loved ones, and family had all stayed away,
not telling me, that he was to blame.
I stand at the edge of a LIFE meant for me!
My daughters and I are finally free!
I have made my escape from my prison cell,
and will no longer live in that living hell!
There will be many who won’t understand
this choice I have made and God’s ultimate plan.
But I have now found GOD’S GRACE TO BE FREE!
And my LORD, will STAND, and vindicate me!
I now have a voice that will rise up and sing!
And I have a message: to “Let Freedom Ring”!
Never again will I lose my own soul,
at the hands of a man who worships control!
*****
