Stretching Faith
Two Tales of a Story
By Susan Vaughan Shumake
June 28, 2016 / February 27, 2023
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Here I am. It has been almost two years since my breast cancer diagnosis, and I am in one of the most important, yet difficult and challenging phases of this journey: Recovery. Here I am, in this place again, one year after breaking the femur bone of my right leg, and having emergency surgery. Every phase of this walk has had its own life altering experience with it. Each has come with a time of adjustment, and a time of acceptance, which has then led to a place of perseverance. Each has stretched my faith in ways I was not prepared for. Each has brought me to my knees a time or two. Each has reminded me that I cannot do this on my own and yet I know, when I am weak, then He is strong. Each has made me keenly aware of my blessings around me, and those who have walked beside me, or sat beside me when I could not walk, or driven me, when I could not drive. I have watched my body be poked and stabbed with needles, filled with I.V.s of infusions of multiple chemotherapies, radiated beyond my own tolerance level, and scanned with other rays, of which I’m not so sure what they were! I’ve had breasts removed and lifted, and replaced, and removed and then lifted and replaced again! Still waiting for that last removal, lift and replacement. I’ve had muscles moved and nipples removed and a port placed and removed! Oh and let’s not forget my never-ending drain tubes! And all this was to save my life! Now I've had an emergency surgery to save my leg, with a very long rod, and pin with a year of recovery behind me, and at least a year to go. I do believe my body has been under some physical stress and duress. The physical toll that this brings on a body is enormous. At first I was in so much pain that I coddled my wounds like a mother coddles her child. I was forced to learn to do everything left handed, because I couldn’t use my right arm and my range of motion has not yet come fully back. I was then forced to lie in bed on my back for almost 6 months because of the rod and pin implant, unable to sit, and I am still unable to sleep. My pain only started to go away as I began to go to physical therapy twice a week and my therapist began to massage my incision area and all that was numb from my Lat. Flap procedure. Massage is wonderful! I am now undergoing Massage Therapy with a Pain Management Doctor to restore mobility and relieve the pain in my leg. I have now fully entered the world of Physical Therapy! It’s all about Stretching! Stretching! Stretching! I am in the process of retraining my shoulder muscles to go back and down, back and down, back and down, as they should be. I hadn’t even noticed how my body had contorted itself in order to guard and protect my chest after my surgeries. The act of forcing my shoulders BACK AND DOWN is a major ordeal as I try to strengthen the muscles that hold my shoulders in place. My right shoulder muscle has atrophied from lack of use. The muscles in my right leg, and now the left, as well as my glutes are long gone, and now my arms as well, from immobility, so bearing weight on my leg, with the implant is difficult without the strength of muscles to guard, support, and protect it. Now, I am learning to walk correctly so that I can stabilize myself when I stand, and try to walk without a cane. I now have my flexibility back, but have no strength to stand at all. I have a multitude of baby exercises just to help me stretch everything and then I will graduate to weights to strengthen. The muscle from my back, which was used to reconstruct my breast is now in my ribs and wrapped around and sewn into my chest limiting my range of motion. Everything is tight. Every stretch is a reach, and every reach is a stretch! Who knew how difficult this would be to regain my mobility? Who knew the work that it would take to physically recover what has been lost? My physical strength is gone. No one told me about this part of my adventure! I am always on my knees, whether bended or not, in prayer. There is a part of me that now regrets the type of surgery I chose for my first Breast reconstruction. That was my surgery that failed. If I had known, I would have chosen differently. And yet to live in a world of regrets and “What Ifs” is unhealthy. All I can say is that we make our choices, and we take our chances, and we trust God. I am ripped and torn and battle worn. God, in His sovereignty knew. He is the one who will be with me every step and stretch of the way! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! Although I may be at the beginning of a long and challenging road, I am thankful to be here and on it! I have already seen physical improvement in the months I have been there. At times I am frustrated because the progress is slow with a long way to go, but God is building something in me greater than my physical body. God is stretching my character. God is stretching my patience. God is stretching my faith. God is stretching my testimony! Thank you Father, for another day of opportunity to persevere in my faith! Sincerely, Susan
