THE UNBELIEVING BELIEVER Episode 11 THE BROKENNESS: Our Emotional, Physical & Spiritual CONDITION
Contemplation of My Lot
I am not of noble birth, nor am I of any esteeming, so where did the idea of being deserving of anything other than the lot I have come to mind? Being so romantically inclined, I believe I thought it all up myself, seeing as that is what my heart desired, I created a dream of what life would become for me.
A heart of poetry, of romance, would create nothing less than the perfect love. And someone as fragile as I could never have imagined being shattered so by the harshness of humanity. However, life is filled with tragedy and what would a true love story be without one?
My tragedy, however, begins at the beginning. The Wedding- a dreamers dream, the climax in the first chapter, only to be followed by blow after blow of despair. The frailty of my poetic heart was unable to withstand the hard truth of my reality. My joy fell silent. I died inside, with every coarse word like a sword dashing against my soul, ripping away my hope, my love, my dreams. I built a wall of disappointments so high I cannot see over.
All I had prayed for tragically lost before our love could even begin. And myself now locked in a story I never intended on being in. I am trapped alone, with my God as my only comfort, inside a covenant that can never be broken.
Seeing however, that God created me to be as fragile and as poetic as I am so inclined to be, it puzzles me that He brought me to this place, knowing full well that the weight of it would crush my spirit. Nevertheless, I live the life that was given me, yet I am less than I used to be. I continue on, as does each day, and I feel myself passionately awaken inside only as I see another in love. Yet the sorrow of my soul overwhelms me as I long for that same experience. So I look away, and I lock away my tears and continue on my path.
I had so much passion that is dead now… lost with my dreams. My solace, my refuge, is in the Lord. He alone can save me. He alone can restore this Broken vessel that He made to pour out His love. He is with me to feel my pain, to sense my loss. He has felt the pain of death for me. He has felt the sorrow of death in me.
I cannot believe, however, that this torment of despair is God’s ultimate purpose for me. But then again every life has its’ pain to cause us to come to Him. As we are then baptized into His sufferings we too can be comforted by His love. We can then reach out past our pain, through our pain, to comfort others in their pain.
With this in mind I pray, less fervently for lack of energy, less faithfully for lack of hope, despairingly because it’s been so long.
THE UNBELIEVING BELIEVER Episode 11
THE BROKENNESS - Our Emotional, Physical & Spiritual CONDITION
The Unbelieving Believer. What is an Unbelieving Believer? How is there such a Saint? Why do we know, and not see? Why do we see, and not know? How do we SEE the sincerity of the HEART of a Saint?
How can we KNOW the heartfelt Belief of a Believer? We cannot Know. We cannot See.
God Knows. God Sees. God Loves anyway
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Proverbs 18:14 King James Version (KJV)
14 The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear?
We have lived the Broken. We have believed the Brokenness. We have Become the Brokenness we Believe. We have borne the Burden of the Broken before us. We have borne the Burden of the Broken among us. We have borne the Burden of the Broken around us. We are The Broken.
As a Broken Body of Believers, we have seen and have lost loved ones, suffer and die, in Sickness and Disease. We have seen our Churches separate, isolate, and dissipate, because of multiple Seasons of Suffering, serving the Brokenness of the Pandemic, and now living in its’ aftermath. We are living in constant Crisis, in constant Chaos, in constant Crushing.
We have seen our World change before our eyes, from what it was, to what it is today. We have on-line Church services and Zoomathon businesses. We have All Aloners, Stay at Homers, and Midnight Groaners. We have Lonesome Lovers, Worried Mothers, and Gambling Gamers. We have Hopeless Haters, Destructive Dangers, and Arising Abusers.
We have seen horrible happenings in our Homes. We have witnessed Death and Destruction on our streets. Hospitals overcrowded and overrun with The Rampant, and Raging Rona, and the Rules, and regulations regarding it. All keeping Loved-Ones away from family, at their most frustrating, fragile, and failing moment. Now, suffering the aftermath of illegal issues of the Laws Broken, and of Victims Voices.
We have seen Flags burning and Riots raging on University campuses, with the Flaming Violence of Antisemitism rampant across our Lands. We have seen Rules and Borders Broken, Drug overdosing, Violence winning, Death and flagrant Killing. We have seen Lawlessness arising, our Constitution crashing, and Assasination attempts with no Defense.
We have seen Out-of-Control, flaming, Furious Fires bringing destruction across the Globe. We have seen Heat of epic proportions and Winter’s frigid, freezing Cold. We have seen Tornadoes tearing up towns, and Hurricanes on our Harbors. We have seen skyrocketing Prices arise, causing shortages of our Supplies. We have seen Wars waging and gas prices soaring right before our eyes.
We have been beaten down by the News. We have been torn down, attacked, and Accused. We have been beaten down by the very words, or lack thereof, of Parishioners, of Pastors, of Preachers, of Parents, and of Pew sitters. We have seen Major Preachers steeped in Sin, stepping down from the Pulpit again, and again. We have lost Hope, and we have lost Heart. We have lost Faith. Surrounded by Unbelieving Believers, we have lost our Way.
In the middle of our Pain, a pain that happens over, and over again, we turn away from God. We stop Believing. And when we stop Believing, we Stop. We stop, whatever it was we had hope for. We stop Seeking. We stop Asking. We stop Trying. We stop Doing. We stop Praying. We stop Believing, even in ourselves. Especially, in ourselves.
We stop Believing in a God, we cannot See, or Feel, or Hear, and we begin Believing the Brokenness we are experiencing, that is VERY real, that we can SEE, FEEL, and HEAR. We turn our heart in Unbelief. We turn our heart to Unbelief, becoming Unbelieving Believers. Where is God?
Psalm 34:18
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Matthew 22:37-40 KJV
“Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”
SEPARATION IN RELATIONSHIP
This is God’s Command to us, to walk in LOVE. On these two Commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets. When we can actually do this, we are walking in Obedience to THE LAW OF GOD, and we are fulfilling The Law. Can you see why Satan works so hard to separate us, keeping us Isolated, independent, out of fellowship, and away from the Body of Christ? This is what has happened. We are out of RELATIONSHIP. We are out of Relationship. We are out of Covenant.
DISEASE that has a SPIRITUAL ROOT begins with SEPARATION on three levels:
• Separation from God and His Word, His Person and His Love
• Separation from yourself by not Loving yourself, not Accepting yourself, having Guilt, Shame, Self-Rejection and Self-Condemnation
• Separation from others by Breaches of Relationship
BAD ROOTS REAP BAD FRUITS
Bad Roots reap Bad Fruits. This is a Spiritual Issue of the Heart. Satan is harvesting Disease in our Physical bodies NOW, because he planted Bad Roots A LONG TIME AGO into our hearts. We have chosen to follow THE LAW OF SIN instead of following THE LAW OF GOD. “The Root” of the Disease would be the Sin Issue behind it. The Root would be the “Cause”. The Bad Fruit that grows from Bad Root is the Disease manifesting.
Bad Roots of:
-Ungodly Belief Systems
-Learned Wrong Thinking from our Parents
-Stinkin’ Thinkin’ - Lies about God, Lies about ourselves, Lies about others, planted by our Spiritual enemy, we have listened to and chosen to Believe
-Lack of Ability to Discern our Spiritual Battle
We haven’t realized the ‘Patterns of Sin’ we have fallen into. We haven’t realized we have been shutting out God, or shutting out others, or shutting ourselves away, in order to protect ourselves. We haven’t realized that we have chosen another Way, instead of God’s Way, because it is our Way. It is who we have BECOME. It is our personality.
We haven’t realized we have become Judge. We haven’t realized we have become our Parents. We haven’t realized we have become Self-Critical to the point of Depression and Disease. We haven’t realized our own Anger is affecting us on the inside. We haven’t realized the Bitterness of our Hearts, is manifesting as Cancer in our Bodies. We haven’t realized we are in a Spiritual Battle. We are where we are because of our own Lack of Knowledge.
Hosea 4:6 KJV
“My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children.”
FORGETTING THE LAW OF GOD
My Beloved, Beautiful Brothers and Beautiful Sisters, who are Unbelieving in your Heart today. We have often, forgotten our way as Sons and Daughters, of the Most High God. We lose sight of the Truth of God and who He is, in the midst of the pain of our Past, in the midst of the pain of our Present, in the midst of pain of the Pandemic, in the midst of the pain of the Process.
We have lost our way, because we have not known our way. When we feel we are lost in the Wilderness, doing lap, after lap, after lap, we often have complained Bitterly, and have turned our Hearts away. We have turned our Hearts away, from Him. Many of you are in another Wilderness, right now. Don’t turn your Heart away from the Heart of Heaven. He is your Healer.
God KNOWS us, God SEES us, and God LOVES us. God wants to be Reconciled to every Beautiful, one of us. We are forgetting the Goodness of God. God WANTS TO HEAL. This is the HEALING HEART OF HEAVEN. God can Heal your Woundedness, and Brokenness, too. He can Heal Your Broken Heart. Forgive me for Forgetting, Father. Forgive me for Forgetting.
HEALING THROUGH RESTORATION
The beginning of all HEALING is RESTORATION.
1. Coming back into Alignment with God, and into right relationship with God, His Word, His Person, His Nature and His precepts, and what He planned for you on this earth since the Beginning of Time.
2. Accepting Yourself in your relationship with God. Getting rid of your Self-Hatred, getting rid of your Self-Bitterness, getting rid of your Guilt, and coming back in Line with who you are in the Father, through Jesus Christ.
3. Making peace with your Brother, your Sister, and all others, if at all possible.
RESTORATION!
GOD IS LOVE.
1 John 4:16
And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love: and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.
Ephesians 3:14-19
King James Version
14 For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
15 Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
16 That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;
17 That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,
18 May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;
19 And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.
I am A Silhouette of Suffering. I am A Survivor. I am A Warrior. To know the Father’s LOVE. This is the Heart of Heaven, for the whole Family of God. I repented of my Unbelief, and I began to Believe again, the Truth about His Character. Once we can BELIEVE the Truth about God’s Character, we can begin to receive His LOVE, and to accept His Sovereignty in our lives, whatever our circumstances may be. We can BELIEVE again! We can RECEIVE again! We can LOVE again! And we can BE HEALED again! Father, FORGIVE ME FOR FORGETTING!
Forgive Me For Forgetting
Forgive me for forgetting
The Beauty that You are
Forgive me for forgetting
The King who holds the stars
Forgive me for forgetting
The Masterpiece You made
Forgive me for forgetting
The Foundation that You laid
Forgive me for forgetting
The Miracles You wrought
Forgive me for forgetting
The Sacrifice You brought
Forgive me for forgettiing
The Blessings of Your hand
Forgive me for forgetting
The Greater Master plan
Forgive me for forgetting
The Salvation of the King
Forgive me for forgetting
The Freedoms that You bring
Forgive me for forgetting
The Love Eternally
Forgive me for forgetting
The Life You gave for me
